Timid Daddy meets Scary Mommy

I'm a fan of mommy blogs and all sorts of parenting forums and websites. I follow Parenting Magazine on Twitter. I read Working Mother magazine as soon as it comes, even before my wife can get her hands on it. I'll read a daddy blog or two, but let's face it, there are way more mommy bloggers out there, and they do offer a lot of advice, stories and unique perspectives. 

One of my favorites since I discovered her about a year ago is Scary Mommy, also known as Jill Smokler. For the uninitiated, www.scarymommy.com is a vibrant community of parents brought together by the common theme of parenting doesn't have to be perfect. Smokler takes a no-nonsense, honest and head-on view of parenting. 

One recent blog posts for Smokler include "10 People Who Make Parenting Harder", featuring the rich tooth fairy, the obnoxious sports parent and the mothers who dress their daughters like whores. 

Another is "Fifty Shades of Seriously?" where she talks about reluctantly reading Fifty Shades of Grey and describing it as mommy porn. 

Yes, just from those two snippets you can see why this is my favorite mommy blogger. 

I recently had the opportunity to talk with Scary Mommy to talk about how it all started, the new book she has out, and to get a bit of a dad perspective of her world. Here's how it all went down.


Me: My wife always pokes a little fun at me for following you on Facebook, Twitter and reading your blogs and confessions. I know I'm not the only dad follower you have. But how much of the Scary Mommy nation is comprised of guys? 

Scary Mommy: You are far from the only dad who follows me, I assure you. There are actually a bunch who are pretty dedicated on the boards! It's not what I set out to do, but I love that you dads are reading along!! 

Me: When did you start Scary Mommy? 

SM: I really started Scary Mommy simply as a baby book of sorts for my kids, nothing more. I was always terrible at keeping track of first steps, foods etc. and thought writing down little stories and experiences would be much more fun. For me, and for them, someday. 

Me: I know it quickly transformed into the bigger and better thing that it is today but was the goal from the outset? 

SM: Not originally. I had no idea of the potential when I started the site, but quickly became aware that it could appeal to more people than just my family and friends. I was quickly hooked. 

Me: You might be what many mommy bloggers aspire to be. Speaking of that, you seem to be the type to hate a term like “mommy blogger”, do I have that right? Just seems too cutesy for you. 

SM: I really don't mind the phrase all that much and find all of the fuss around it to be pretty silly. That said, I really consider Scary Mommy to be more of a parenting community than a mommy blog these days. 

Me: Are you a SAHM who blogs? Or are you a full-time professional who happens to work at home and on a flexible schedule that works for you and your kids? 

SM: I consider myself a full-time working mom. For me, working at home, for myself, on my own schedule is the best of all worlds. 

Me: What would you say to other mommy bloggers who are hoping to follow a similar path and create a much larger thing than just cute stories about their kids on the web? 

SM: Work hard at it. I very quickly began looking at the blog as a job, despite not having much of an income from it. But, I think taking it seriously was very important. Success doesn't come easily or overnight, unfortunately. But, it can come, if you work hard enough for it. 

Me: You really go head-on with all your topics, discussions and opinions, just not holding anything back. And sometimes that gets people a little fired up. Is this just your natural personality coming through? Or is it a little bit of a character for the “brand”? 

SM: For good or bad, it's me. That's my favorite part of the site -- I've built it by being myself and don't ever feel the pressure to be anything I'm not. That would be exhausting.

Me: I know the overall idea of what you do is that parenting doesn't have to be perfect and you can't be perfect, so hey, let's celebrate our struggles and commiserate about them. Do I have that right? And why celebrate it? 

SM: As a dad? Yes, you have that right! And, it's not necessarily about celebrating the struggles, but rather coming clean with the reality of it all. Parenthood is wonderful and beautiful and miraculous, for sure. It's also the hardest thing in the world. 

Me: I know many professional, hard working, have-it-all-together and take-life-by-the-horns kind of women who would argue that their life is perfect, their kids are perfect and they're keeping it that way. What would you say to those moms? [please read this as dripping with sarcasm] 

SM: I would ask them what drugs they're on. Then, I would ask them to kindly share. 

Me: What would you say to the husbands of an up-and-coming Scary Mommy or even just words of wisdom to help dads survive their own version of Scary Mommy at home? 

SM: To the husbands of an up-and-coming Scary Mommies: Rub your wife's feet and get her ice cream. That's it. Current dads, same thing. And, change a diaper every now and then. 

Me: Your book is out and you've been touring around pimping that. How long did it take you to do the book? 

SM: The book took almost exactly nine months to complete, from writing the proposal, to shopping it around, to writing, editing etc. It really was like carrying and delivering another child. 

Me: And now you've been all over national television, write ups in print all over the country and a lot of major attention, where will you take Scary Mommy next? What's the plan? 

SM: Good question and I'm not sure of the answer. At the moment, I'm just getting used to being home again. I do think I have another book in me, somewhere. Just need to find the time to write it!


Scary Mommy isn't just just a place for funny parenting stories filled with all the poop and vulgarity your heart desires, it's also a community of parents sharing their stories. And Smokler is also a great story of taking something small that people like, filling a need or a void in the marketplace and turning it into something special. 

So check out the Scary Mommy nation over at www.scarymommy.com and you can thank me later. 

Confessions of a Scary Mommy, Smoklers first book, is a collection of original essays that take an irreverent look at the underbelly of parenting – things most moms would never admit, but feel every day. You can read more about it on her site here or go directly to Amazon to check it out. 

Do You Need A Pintervention?

Pinterest is addicting…we know this. How do we know this?  Well, I know at least three people that I follow on Pinterest have “pinned” 472 things to their boards over the past two days. Yes, that’s a real number. No, I can’t share who those people are for fear that they’ll lose their jobs. 


Pinterest is a virtual “pinboard” where you stick, organize and share all ideas you might find on the web.  It’s kind of like a visual bookmark sharing website. As with all social media platforms, there’s some good and some crap. Recipes, craft projects for your kids and gardening are my three primary uses. 


Just the categories will indicate to the uninitiated that Pinterest screams to women (recipes, baby stuff, fashion and wedding stuff…good lord the wedding stuff). And that’s fine. Just about every woman I know is on it in some form or another. I only know of three other guys on it…and they don’t really use it, I think they’re just keeping an eye on what their wives are up to. Various reports show the percentage of women on the site in the 80 percent to 85 percent range.  


Bloggers are finding it useful to share content and drive traffic to their site. Some are seeing it as their biggest referral source. 


One of the biggest issues is copyright and intellectual property infringement, and there’s quite an argument that goes on behind that. It all depends on how you pin something. If you pin it and it links back to the original owner of the content, great. If you pin it with all the instructions say to a recipe, and it doesn’t link back to the original page, no credit is given and it can be considered “stolen” material.  It’s all meant to be sharing so of course no one is trying to hurt anyone, but some have strong opinions on that matter.  


Here’s a very interesting piece about a photographer who is also a lawyer, removed her Pinterest account until she fully understands the potential dangers.  


As with all social media outlets, the ugly side of it pops out eventually. There’s copyright violations, it’s a major time suck for those who get really involved, it could either help or hurt originality, there’s virtually no privacy settings and there’s reports of Pinterest embedding codes into pins as part of their revenue generation. I’m not saying all of these are bad, but they can be. Time will tell if Pinterest will react and adjust accordingly, just as the other social networks have done.  


Clearly Pinterest has an audience, and one that is growing very rapidly. It was listed in Time Magazine’s “50 Best Websites of 2011”. As of January’s numbers, they had close to 12 million unique visitors.  


Pinterest definitely has the potential to be used for small businesses and brands.  Have some great images out there and people can pin, re-pin, like, comment and go nuts. It’s hard to say how Pinterest will play out in terms of marketing but they’ll find a way. There’s always a way. In other words ladies, they will find a way to get more money out of you, it's just a matter of time. Lowe's already has a Pinterest account/page and I think they’re headed in the right direction.  


I’m not one of the self-proclaimed Pinterest addicts. I browse around there when I have nothing else to do, like for a specific 10 minute or so period of every day, and that’s about it.  And I don’t really see how I can get addicted. Quite frankly, I was using Evernote web clipper and “pinning” things I’m interested in for a while now. Difference is, Evernote is just for me so I can recall things later. But Pinterest is an entire social event. Don’t get me wrong, I’ve already made four recipes I’ve found on Pinterest and plan to make some kids crafts I’ve found on there. But it’s just not screaming to me like it is many others.  Then again, they say that’s how it starts…


Do you pin? Are you a Pinterest addict? Do you need a Pintervention? Maybe you have a love/hate relationship with Pinterest? I’d like to hear about it. And go ahead, pin this post...you know you want to. 

Naked Wrestling

You might assume by the title of this post that this is going to be a very exciting read. Well, I hope it is, but it won't be for the reasons that you're thinking. 

Our twin boys are just a little older than 3 years old. During the past month or so, they've really shown a strong desire to increase their naked time. As with most people, naked time used to just be for tubby and getting dressed. But now it's more frequent. 

Two days ago, one of them said "Let's get naked and show the fishies!" At least there is a purpose, I suppose. 

One unfortunate part of the naked shenanigans is they get pretty rambunctious at the same time. My wife is always VERY concerned about injury to "delicate" areas. But general injuries do occur too. 

The other day, they had a head-on collision and Lukas' eye swelled up and was black and blue in minutes. You would think no one really knew about this incident but then my wife received a text message from another mother at day care about Lukas telling her that he got his black eye from naked wrestling. Big mouth. Well, I guess it could be worse. He could have said his daddy gave him the black eye and then who knows where we'd be right now!  

From all of my very detailed research on the subject (mostly mommy blogs online), this seems to be very normal behavior, so I guess that's a good thing. Luckily, they know their limits and know that it's just in the house—so far they haven't tried to have naked time in the middle of Target or anything like that. 

KidsHealth.org says it's not only normal, but as parents, we should not react as though it's a bad thing. That way, they know that curiosity of their body is normal. 

But this same Internet research also shows me that the parenting world is slightly divided out there about whether or not it's OK for their toddlers to be naked.

But really, as with many traits I see in children, this is another one I wish I had. I mean really, tell me you wouldn't like to just hang on the couch naked and watch TV. Oh I know, you could do that anytime, right?  Well go ahead...and I will live vicariously through you the because I don't have that opportunity.

Does it just kick in that being naked is a bad thing? Or is that taught by us? Look, I'm not saying I want the boys to be nudists. But there's something to be said for being comfortable in your own skin. At some point in society, we put shame on bodies and of course parents of daughters or women in general could talk all day about body image issues these days.

I'm just hoping this naked twin wrestling doesn't turn into a niche market or shtick for them when they get older. Might be a good money maker in general, but slightly creepy when you're doing it at 25.

Happy naked time everyone. 

I Am Media God

Some might think it’s overwhelming…hundreds of cable channels in front of you every day.  Thousands of on-demand options available. A DVD collection staring you in the face as you walk out the front door to hit the nearest RedBox. Those familiar red Netflix envelopes in your mailbox on a Friday getting ready for a nice movie weekend.  Social media networks throwing their news, entertainment and your friends newest designer shoes in your face. 

OK, you get the idea…there’s a lot of stuff out there in terms of media to consume.  But because there is so much more and so many options, we have the power now.  We have the control.

I remember having to turn the little knob on the cable converter box in my parents living room with curtains that were heavier than three of my blankets put together. Turning that knob trying to find something to watch on those higher number channels that featured “superstations” and the very rough, early days of ESPN.  So there were 20 or so options and as soon as my dad made up his mind, I could sit back down. 

Fast forward to what we have now. Quick glimpse at my media consumption habits as of six months ago:

• “Digital Starter Package” from Comcast bundled with the Triple Play (home phone and cable internet). 
• Netflix subscription delivering two DVDs to my mailbox as I saw fit. 
• My wife and I had our network shows that we enjoyed regularly, but we would frequently DVR them and come back to watch a few episodes at a time on a weekend every so often. 
• DVRing the kids' favorite shows and watching the episodes that way. 
• Lots of time spent with the television on in the background, with god-knows-what playing. 
• Lots of time spent sifting through those hundreds of channels to find something to watch if we were bored. 
• Having those Netflix DVDs sit on the table for weeks, if not months at a time. 
• A home phone that never rang except for non-profit soliciting and grandma. 
• Downloads from iTunes to keep our iPods full.

Aside from the costs of all of these services, the time spent with them was so minimal when you really sat down and analyzed it, that it wasn’t even worth it.  Spending 20 minutes looking through the guide to find something to watch is crazy. Having the television on in the background just for the hell of it is crazy.  Why do we have things in the DVR from 2008…shouldn’t we watch that or get rid of it? 

So we analyzed and surveyed our habits for a month or so. After documenting on a nerdy spreadsheet, we decided to look at the frequency of usage and the source of that particular item. We found that in several cases, we could get the kids' shows through Netflix. We could get our favorite network shows at any time over the air, or we could catch up on Hulu.  Pandora radio is a thousand times better than any of the Comcast music channels that were buried in the 800’s.  And there were plenty of other alternatives for just about anything we wanted. 

So it was decided…let’s pull the plug. 

Our set up as it stands today:

• Cancelled cable and home phone, kept Internet only. 
• Downgraded Netflix subscription to “instant only”.  We’re not huge movie people so if we want a new release that’s not available on Netflix instant, we can hit the RedBox. 
• Added a Roku box and a PlayStation 3.
• All children shows are addressed through Netflix.  Yo Gabba Gabba, Thomas the Train, Sesame Street and so forth…all at our fingertips. 
• Some favorite TV shows that we might have missed out on or stopped watching for whatever reason are on Netflix as well, and we've even found new ones that we never watched before but fell in love with like Weeds or Louie. 
• Our network shows are all available on Hulu or online. Even though I can’t DVR them, I still don’t have to sit in front of the television and wait for them to come on. 
• DVDs played through the PS3.
• Additional media files—DVDs borrowed from friends, home movies and so forth—all streamed over the home network through the PS3. Even family photo slideshows can be done this way in case grandma is over and would like to see them on the big screen. 
• Pandora radio through either our smart phones or the Roku box provides hours and hours of great music. 
• Total monthly cost for subscription to various services and such to make all of this happen? Less than $20, not counting the internet access that we already had.

Seriously, aside from the cost, it’s an amazing feeling to be able to control your own media usage. You don’t have to only choose between channels 2, 4 and 11.  Or you’re not limited to CNN, MSNBC and Fox News.  There are so many other options online or through Roku Channels, it’s ridiculous. 

It’s a liberating feeling really. I’m not held to anyone’s schedule. I’m not forced to see crap advertised during my shows or my kids shows. There’s more time to listen to music, read books or have a conversation with my wife…which still seems limited with two 2-year-olds around.

I know this sounds a little boring and not too exciting now that I read it back, but for me, it’s a small win over the major cable companies and puts the control in my hands.  If more people did this, they might start offering ala carte options or at least stop charging high fees if you don’t question it. 

This is my little win and a small way to stick it to the man. Watch what I want, when I want, how I want. I play media god. 

The Age-Old Argument

The age-old argument…print isn’t dead,but it’s seriously behind. 

So Tuesday night, Yahoo! Sports broke a big story in the world of college football.  An 11-month investigation found that a booster for University of Miami athletics, who also happens to be a convicted ponzi-schemer, says he dumped cash, gifts and favors on at least 72 athletes for approximately eight years. 

Here’s where I’m very interested about this—it was Yahoo! Sports that dug deep and busted this thing wide open. It wasn’t the Miami Herald or the Sun Sentinel…it was Yahoo! Sports. 

In just the world of college sports, Yahoo! Sports has busted at least four other similar stories wide open. The level of investigation, time and energy put into these stories is unreal. They broke the Reggie Bush fiasco back in 2006. Extreme details about a controversial fee for recruiting assistance at the University of Oregon came a few months back. Back in March when there were questions about the University of Connecticut basketball program and their recruiting tactics, Yahoo! Sports was there. And after the Ohio State football NCAA investigation that exposed several players of selling memorabilia, Yahoo! Sports was there to break the news to Buckeye fans that Jim Tressel knew about everything.  

And this is all just in the world of college athletics. Think about the other times the online world has beaten traditional media to the punch. When the US Airways plane crash landed in the Hudson River in Jan. 2009, Twitter was the first place that hundreds of thousands heard of the story. Video from the hailstorms and tornados in Westmoreland County hit YouTube before it hit KDKA, WTAE or WPXI, let alone any of the print formats. 

There are countless reports of newspapers across America struggling, downsizing staff, reducing their frequency, and that’s because they simply aren’t relevant. 

One important thing to note here…it’s not always about speed. Sure, breaking news in the traditional sense involved a live stand up on your local television news broadcast telling you about the latest tragedy or event, but as showcased beautifully in the Yahoo! Sports Miami investigation, speed isn’t important. 

What is important is giving the few reporters that newspaper have left the time and budget to focus on looking into these important stories. One potential reason for not allowing this to happen, aside from the budgetary issues and time constraints, could be relationships that journalists have with their sources. Maybe if the Miami-Herald football beat writer decided to take on this challenging investigation, they would be concerned about lack of cooperation from the athletic department in future locker room situations or pre-season insights, ultimately hurting the newspapers view in the eyes of the audience. 

Of course there’s the group of folks out there who don’t have a computer, or don’t have a smartphone or don’t want to access the news online—and that’s fine. But when you pick up the newspaper tomorrow and read about something that happened yesterday AND it was reported by a non-local reporter, don’t question why. Lord knows with initiatives like the one Comcast just rolled out, providing internet access and lost-cost computers, there’s no excuse…except wanting to remain behind the times. 

Either way, lengthy, worthwhile investigative pieces still have a very important place in our everyday lives.  It’s just a matter of who’s going to do those and how they’re delivered.

Perfect Time for a Second Chance

I’ve been seriously gardening for about three years now. Each year there is some good and some bad that comes out of my limited experience, but I learn a little more each year. This year is no different. 

In fact, this year was kind of bad for my summer crop—tomatoes, zucchini, cucumbers, lettuce and some herbs. Well, the lettuce and herbs did well. But the tomatoes, zucchini and cucumbers are lacking…a lot.  Some soil issues really messed those up this year. But again, you live and learn.



The spring crop wasn’t bad, getting a good number of small but extremely tasty strawberries and a planting of some raspberry plants. 

But with fall comes a time to really have another shot at a good 2011 harvest, and really, these should be the easy ones to grow—more lettuce, some spinach, broccoli and cauliflower seeds have been planted and will be ready for transplant into our “fall bed” soon enough.  So we’ll see what happens. Honestly, if I can’t start getting this right, the Mrs. isn’t going to be happy. 

Really it’s not all about saving money on produce, or eating organic or locally grown stuff…well, it kind of is about keeping it local and reconnecting with your food…but at this point, it’s about pride and accomplishment. 

I think there’s a reason that the only good gardeners I know personally are over the age of 60. It’s because it took this long for them to really know what they’re doing and now that they’re older, they have the time to do it. I wish I had gardening mentors, someone who could help me along the way. The Internet has been my guide so far. 

The boys really like helping, too, so I’m hoping as they get older, I can get this thing licked so I can teach them a thing or two.  Right now, they love watering and digging, just not in a very deliberate way at this point. Maybe in the years to come we can be successful in filling moms produce bowl every week together. As many people do, my wife and I briefly (for 2 minutes or so) talk about what we would do if we won a big lottery jackpot (we’d have to play first!) and we both agreed that we would buy a large plot of land and just garden. That’s all. Nothing else. No fancy cars, no exotic vacations, not the usual rich dreams. And I’m not talking about a large scale farm where we sell our produce and what not, I’m talking about just living off of the land and enjoying life. Just us, in the field with the boys and the dogs, asking for mother earth to provide for our little family as she has to millions for years. A little part of life we really take for granted. 

Freedom

Freedom. It’s a concept that is thrown around a lot, especially given the state of our nation right now. We all love our freedom.  And I’m not just talking about the right to vote, freedom of speech or even the opportunity to basically do anything we want in life and make it our own.

There are a select few people out there who don’t have the same freedoms as the rest of us, but absolutely should. But a few missteps here or there by so-called trusted members of our community and government or even flat out lies from others. The freedom of these individuals were taken away wrongfully.

I’m talking about individuals who have been wrongfully convicted of crimes and sentenced to many years, if not for life, in prison—some even sentenced to death. All for something they didn’t do. That’s our justice system at work.

Consider some of these stats:

• Since 1989, there have been tens of thousands of cases where prime suspects were identified and pursued, until DNA testing proved their innocence prior to conviction.
• There have been 272 post-conviction DNA exonerations in the US.  The first was in 1989 and thanks to scientific advancements, there have been 205 since 2000.
• 75 percent of those exoneration cases also included false eyewitness identification.
• 25 percent of those exoneration cases included false confessions and 35 percent of those had a defendant that was under the age of 18 and/or developmentally disabled.
• The average length of time served by someone wrongfully convicted is 13 years.

These stats come from The Innocence Project out of New York. They are the largest advocacy organization for such victims and are dedicated to exonerating the wrongfully convited through DNA testing and reforming the justice system to prevent future injustice.

There are several very well-known cases in various parts of the country, and there have been 11 exonerations in Pennsylvania. Locally, the Innocence Institute of Point Park University is the local innocence project started back in 2001 under the leadership of award winning investigative reporter Bill Moushey. It’s one of a few innocence institutes in the country that is affiliated directly with a journalism program rather than a law school.

Probably the biggest case across the country that grabs attention year after year is the case of the West Memphis Three.  Damien Echols, Jason Baldwin and Jessie Misskelley have been in prison for over 17 years. You can read about the case yourself but these three young men were incarcerated and in the case of Echols, sentenced to death, for a crime they didn’t commit. A range of issues point to the innocence of these three men, including corrupt law enforcement, law enforcement misconduct, judge and jury misconduct, evidence contamination, false eye witness testimony and false confessions.

This week, a final report on recent DNA testing conclusively excludes the three men that are currently sitting in jail. Chalk this up as yet another piece of evidence proving these guys didn’t do it. But here’s the issue…it’s harder to get them out than it was to put them in. They, as well as members of their family, friends, rock stars, movie stars, and even the victim’s families have been fighting to get them out.

So when you talk about freedom and celebrate this great country, remember people like this who were failed by the system that is supposed to protect us all.